Found this letter I wrote for my first pet - Hazie, back in 2014. He passed on 13 April 2014.
+++++
9 June 2012 - I went to the pet shop to pick a hamster. Initially I wanted to get a syrian hamster but there were none. I heard that dwarf hamster were bitey but I wanted the challenge then. The first hamster we saw was a sapphire who was super nervous and landed a bite on us. The second hamster was running around non stop. I was a little disappointed at the choices and almost opt to take the first hamster home when the lady pulled out another bin of 2 hamsters. A male and a female. I took the male home. He was Hazie.
As we got out of the car, I asked the brother - what should we name him? He jokingly gestured at the weather - hazy. The name stuck and I modified it to give you an official name. Since that day, you have given us - me such joy just by being yourself. You were the tamest little guy and you were such a little foodie. You will come running when I dangled food in front of you. For you, I took the time to learn so much about hamster. I experimented with so many different types of food available, I bought a bigger bin cage - everything and anything to make you happy.
When I had a bad day or when I was upset, I just had to look at you, picked you up and you instantly made me happy again. It's magic, I tell you. You self trained to not pee or poo out of your cage, thank you. I remembered you running around in your little ball and when Mizty came along, you kept bumping your ball against hers and made her wobbled around. I remembered your jumping session of the stool, you had your legs as your brakes and you'll land in my hand - trusting me to catch you.
It was such a joy to watch you eat your food - you always seemed to appreciate them so much. I enjoyed watching you run to the top of your castle when I tapped it. You were amazingly responsive and always rewarded with sunflower seeds. A few months on, you were comfortable enough to sleep in my hand outside of your cage. You would snuggle you nose against my palm and just closed your eyes as I stroked your little head.
At one point, I was afraid you would be obese. You were going up to 70 gram and I tried to encourage you to run on your wheel but you were content with your daily activities. I loved everything you do - the way you snuggled yourself to sleep or the drinks you take. You were so affectionate, licking my fingers for no reason at all. Sometimes you even greedily grabbed on to my finger to get extra licks.
You were easily embarrassed whenever we spot you failing at climbing something- you would quickly run and hide. Or whenever I made you beg too long for your treats, you threw a temper and just run and ignored me. Then it was my turn to beg you to take your treats. You had such a character.
Overall you bitten me 5 times. The first time I was so excited to let you take sunflower seed from my palm, I pulled out the tissue from your hideout. You were so mad you came out and bite my finger. Another occasion, you bit me cause I woke you up with bells. That time I came back from Bangkok and touched Mizty before touching you. You bit me cause I smelt like her. I understood your bites and your little nips to let me know when to put you down.
You survived a swollen cheek and demodex mites. I remembered having to feed you your med twice daily for 2 weeks. You were so reluctant but you stopped struggling when I stroked your little head prior to medication. I recalled the first time I tried to give you the medicine, you struggled and even after that when I offered you a treat, you squeaked as if you were scolding.
6 months before this, you had two lumps on your body and I brought you to the vet. As usual you didn't want to let a stranger to touch your belly but when we gave you a bean, you just sat quietly in her hand and munched. The vet laughed at your little tame character. Upside of being a little foodie. I didn't want to risk operation and all because I didn't want you to end up on a cold surgical table. I wanted you to cross the rainbow bridge where you lived - surrounded by things you loved and your scent.
As you aged as well, your fur started dropping until the end where you lost most of it. You were still you - lighter, skinnier, smaller but still Hazie. Still love cuddling, love being picked up, love massages. I was torn between letting you sleep and checking to see if you're alive. Everyday I wake and checked on you, I would say softly to you "Another blessed day with you".
The night before the incident, you had something stuck between your teeth. We tried to remove it for you but you struggled against us for a few seconds before you gave in. You always seemed to understand our intention.
You were sleeping oddly out in the open at 4 pm on that day when I came home. I tried waking you up and you eventually got up and ran into your hampod. You were alternating between being you and falling into a coma like. I gave your sunflower seed, your peanut, your bean sprout. You ate them but falling asleep in between.
In the evening, I picked up your ham pod and told you "Hazie, if it's hard to hold on then let go" and I stroked your little head one last time. Later on, you were breathing hard and you made some clicking sound. You had your face turned in and at 9 pm so on exactly one year from the day Mizty came home, you were gone. I blew on you and you usually wake up to look at me. This time, you don't anymore and I broke down.
He lived longer than I expected to and I knew at one point, everyday with him was a bonus. I had no regrets on the my part as I had provided him with everything I can - the best I can as a pet parent. It's just so hard as I missed him so much. I'm so used to seeing him whenever I looked over and now I looked at an empty cage with his items in it.
I used to promise him that he will always be protected and for 22 months, I had sheltered him but yesterday evening it was raining I cannot protect him anymore. He's outside in the ground, no longer in his hampod in the warmth in the house.
For him to go off on this date made me believe somehow he was passing on his legacy to Mizty. Although I'm somewhat grateful for her but she's not him. She's not as ever ready affectionate as him and whenever she ignores me, I turned to him. I kept feeling the pain when I realized I don't have him to turn to anymore.
He might just be a little cheap rodent but I would never trade these memories for thousands.
One thing for sure - for 22 months there was never a day Hazie didn't feel love. Now it's time for me to heal and move on, picking up the pieces of this broken heart.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time.
- Leona Lewis
Good night baby boy. I love you so much.
+++++
9 June 2012 - I went to the pet shop to pick a hamster. Initially I wanted to get a syrian hamster but there were none. I heard that dwarf hamster were bitey but I wanted the challenge then. The first hamster we saw was a sapphire who was super nervous and landed a bite on us. The second hamster was running around non stop. I was a little disappointed at the choices and almost opt to take the first hamster home when the lady pulled out another bin of 2 hamsters. A male and a female. I took the male home. He was Hazie.
As we got out of the car, I asked the brother - what should we name him? He jokingly gestured at the weather - hazy. The name stuck and I modified it to give you an official name. Since that day, you have given us - me such joy just by being yourself. You were the tamest little guy and you were such a little foodie. You will come running when I dangled food in front of you. For you, I took the time to learn so much about hamster. I experimented with so many different types of food available, I bought a bigger bin cage - everything and anything to make you happy.
When I had a bad day or when I was upset, I just had to look at you, picked you up and you instantly made me happy again. It's magic, I tell you. You self trained to not pee or poo out of your cage, thank you. I remembered you running around in your little ball and when Mizty came along, you kept bumping your ball against hers and made her wobbled around. I remembered your jumping session of the stool, you had your legs as your brakes and you'll land in my hand - trusting me to catch you.
It was such a joy to watch you eat your food - you always seemed to appreciate them so much. I enjoyed watching you run to the top of your castle when I tapped it. You were amazingly responsive and always rewarded with sunflower seeds. A few months on, you were comfortable enough to sleep in my hand outside of your cage. You would snuggle you nose against my palm and just closed your eyes as I stroked your little head.
At one point, I was afraid you would be obese. You were going up to 70 gram and I tried to encourage you to run on your wheel but you were content with your daily activities. I loved everything you do - the way you snuggled yourself to sleep or the drinks you take. You were so affectionate, licking my fingers for no reason at all. Sometimes you even greedily grabbed on to my finger to get extra licks.
You were easily embarrassed whenever we spot you failing at climbing something- you would quickly run and hide. Or whenever I made you beg too long for your treats, you threw a temper and just run and ignored me. Then it was my turn to beg you to take your treats. You had such a character.
Overall you bitten me 5 times. The first time I was so excited to let you take sunflower seed from my palm, I pulled out the tissue from your hideout. You were so mad you came out and bite my finger. Another occasion, you bit me cause I woke you up with bells. That time I came back from Bangkok and touched Mizty before touching you. You bit me cause I smelt like her. I understood your bites and your little nips to let me know when to put you down.
You survived a swollen cheek and demodex mites. I remembered having to feed you your med twice daily for 2 weeks. You were so reluctant but you stopped struggling when I stroked your little head prior to medication. I recalled the first time I tried to give you the medicine, you struggled and even after that when I offered you a treat, you squeaked as if you were scolding.
6 months before this, you had two lumps on your body and I brought you to the vet. As usual you didn't want to let a stranger to touch your belly but when we gave you a bean, you just sat quietly in her hand and munched. The vet laughed at your little tame character. Upside of being a little foodie. I didn't want to risk operation and all because I didn't want you to end up on a cold surgical table. I wanted you to cross the rainbow bridge where you lived - surrounded by things you loved and your scent.
As you aged as well, your fur started dropping until the end where you lost most of it. You were still you - lighter, skinnier, smaller but still Hazie. Still love cuddling, love being picked up, love massages. I was torn between letting you sleep and checking to see if you're alive. Everyday I wake and checked on you, I would say softly to you "Another blessed day with you".
The night before the incident, you had something stuck between your teeth. We tried to remove it for you but you struggled against us for a few seconds before you gave in. You always seemed to understand our intention.
You were sleeping oddly out in the open at 4 pm on that day when I came home. I tried waking you up and you eventually got up and ran into your hampod. You were alternating between being you and falling into a coma like. I gave your sunflower seed, your peanut, your bean sprout. You ate them but falling asleep in between.
In the evening, I picked up your ham pod and told you "Hazie, if it's hard to hold on then let go" and I stroked your little head one last time. Later on, you were breathing hard and you made some clicking sound. You had your face turned in and at 9 pm so on exactly one year from the day Mizty came home, you were gone. I blew on you and you usually wake up to look at me. This time, you don't anymore and I broke down.
He lived longer than I expected to and I knew at one point, everyday with him was a bonus. I had no regrets on the my part as I had provided him with everything I can - the best I can as a pet parent. It's just so hard as I missed him so much. I'm so used to seeing him whenever I looked over and now I looked at an empty cage with his items in it.
I used to promise him that he will always be protected and for 22 months, I had sheltered him but yesterday evening it was raining I cannot protect him anymore. He's outside in the ground, no longer in his hampod in the warmth in the house.
For him to go off on this date made me believe somehow he was passing on his legacy to Mizty. Although I'm somewhat grateful for her but she's not him. She's not as ever ready affectionate as him and whenever she ignores me, I turned to him. I kept feeling the pain when I realized I don't have him to turn to anymore.
He might just be a little cheap rodent but I would never trade these memories for thousands.
One thing for sure - for 22 months there was never a day Hazie didn't feel love. Now it's time for me to heal and move on, picking up the pieces of this broken heart.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time.
- Leona Lewis
Good night baby boy. I love you so much.
09062012 - 13042014
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